Woah, the Bachelor Pad finale this week gave me serious heartburn from all the stressful moments.
First things first. The Husband got choked up listening to Blakeley gush about Tony. He lets her be herself. She feels confident around him. She can be Blakeley in front of him. Blakeley without cable. Who earns a living waxing the vaginal region of others and waitressing at Hooters. Who also happens to be a kick-ass athlete and fierce competitor. She’s like the Ugly Ducking / Cinderella Bachelor story. Down in the dumps. Misunderstood by the others. Treated horribly by Chris. She left the house with love, a great set of boobs and now a FIANCE. I loved that she was looking around at the audience while Tony is giving her this lovey dovey speech. Like she’s thinking everyone knows something she doesn’t. As soon as they announced that they were living together and didn’t sit down, I said to The Husband, “Come on, Tony – pull out that Neil Lane sparkler!” and BAM, it was a beauty. I’m surprised Neil Lane didn’t show up to give his opinion about their love and how much of a douche Chris was this season.
I was soooo happy for Blakeley. I think they are going to be very happy together. Tony is adorably in love and I think all Blakeley needed was for someone to break down her tough exterior. Tony is the right man for the job. I wish them lots of luck and happiness together.
Moving on. Michael Stagliano. Oh boy. This guy does love to think of himself as a man’s man. Everyone’s best friend. The nice guy who got dumped by his beloved lady friend for a co-competitor. He was certainly a sympathetic character last season. This season, not so much. It certainly did seem like he was into Rachel. Why wouldn’t he be? We’re supposed to believe that this guy wants to find love – and he has a beautiful, sweet girl like Rachel in front of him and he is having a grand old Danny and Sandy Grease style summer lovin’. Classic case of “he’s just not that into you.” But it would have been nice if he had been crystal clear about the fact that he was going on Bachelor Pad to promote his music and to get a little action from a pretty blonde. Poor Rachel has really misjudged almost every male she came into contact with. I don’t buy Michael’s “nice guy” act. He started using the same lines on her that every Bachelor or Bachelorette uses on the person they are breaking up with. That would have really pissed me off the most as Rachel. He says to her something like, “I just didn’t see a forever with us.” He uses “long distance” and “long term” as weapons and yet doesn’t deny having a long distance relationship with someone in Chicago. Dirty boy. Caught in his own web. Even on Twitter he says something like let Rachel feel any way she wants. Well thanks for the permission, Michael. I’m left confused about him and sad for Rachel’s heart.
And the rest of Rachel. Boy is she going to have a complex or what? She’ll have nightmares for years after the way the audience cackled in delight when Nick decided to screw her out of 125K. So was Nick right to take the money and run? I kind of agreed with everything he said up until the point where he had no sympathy for Rachel. Yes nobody counted on him to win. Yes nobody thought it was possible. Yes people specifically said he didn’t “deserve to be there,” and questioned his intelligence. Yes, Rachel wanted to go home and got paired up with Nick due to process of elimination. So for all of that, I agree that Nick was flying solo for the majority of the game. He seemed to have no regard for Rachel whatsoever and was in it for the money. True that is what Bachelor Pad is all about. I thought the shocking twist was going to be that Rachel and Nick were secretly hooking up. I guess that will never happen. Did you agree with Nick’s decision? Is he a jerk? Was Rachel right to call him out afterwards? I think Nick played a very smart game, but I’m not sure I could have lived with the ramifications of screwing someone out of $125K. Won’t he always be looking over his shoulder for the rest of his life? Karma’s a real bitch.
Chris was seriously trying to do some damage control to his womanizing reputation by throwing in all that crap he’s been getting from family and friends. A little too late. Because despite how completely absurd and borderline scary / Halloween costume Jamie looked, it will be quite a while before we can forget how hard he played her right after screwing over Blakeley. All before moving on to Sarah.
Things that never got resolved:
(1) Who is our f-ing next Bachelor? I’m sorry, but we were promised an answer months ago and still haven’t gotten it. Mike Fleiss even said on Twitter today that he was doing everything possible to get us an answer today. Well, with less than an hour til midnight on the east coast, this is not the case and I’m pissed. If they are having this much of a problem deciding, why don’t they let the fans vote? Seriously, just tell us it’s between Sean and Roberto and put up a poll on the ABC website. Or put something on the intro to Dancing with the Stars and give us a number to call in, American Idol style, and keep the voting open for 2 hours.
(2) Are Chris and Sarah really an item? Notice that nobody asked them if they were dating? Or the editors didn’t thing anyone cared to include the response? I was thinking that them being together could have been part of Chris’s act to redeem himself. Because if he could convince his fellow contestants that he screwed over Blakeley and Jamie because he was in love with Sarah – well, who isn’t a cheerleader for love on this show? Did you see how he tried to deflect everyone’s hate for him by saying – vote for Sarah? Um, Chris, people need to vote for you when they vote for Sarah. It’s a couple’s vote.
(3) We didn’t hear a peep out of Reid. Did he ever pursue the Superfan?? Did he resolve his differences with Ed? Speaking of the Superfans, it would have been great if their votes somehow counted double. Meaning the non-Superfans needed to be careful about the Superfans and consider them a force. At least allow each twin to have a vote! BTW, Chris totally insulted David the Superman and David still voted for him. What an idiot.
(4) Jaclyn and Ed. This was one of the most controversial couples of all time – they’re together but he’s not interested but they’re best buds but he’s really not interested and has a girlfriend back at home. What’s the status? Is he back with the girl at home? Is he still bed buddies with Jaclyn? Will they be sleeping together after the finale? We need to know. Why can’t he just get back together with Jillian? Sweet, spunky, fun Jillian?
(5) What are Lindzi and Kalon’s future plans together? Yes, we know they see each other whenever they can but was there any truth behind Erica Rose’s comment that Kalon has a wandering eye? Is that why Lindzi did not vote the way Kalon voted? Was she pissed because she was thinking about Kalon rubbing some other woman’s leg in movie theater? How can we find out if this was true? I think Erica Rose may be an oracle of some sort. Yes she has some beef with Kalon, but I believed her. And why IS Kalon at the movies with another female? If he’s so wealthy and has some free time, why isn’t he with Lindzi?
(6) The blonde twit twins were back and said absolutely nothing. I didn’t really need them to say anything but I was curious as to whether they made up and if one of them was going to make out with David the Superfan any more.
(7) We heard Rachel discuss her anger about Michael, but we never had that official moment when Jaclyn fully forgave Rachel. Jaclyn obviously voted for Rachel, but she said in her hot seat time that their friendship was not the same. I’m not sure I buy that. Jaclyn was sticking up for her the entire show. Looks like they were pretty lovey dovey. I will never understand how anyone can call someone their “best friend,” after being on Bachelor Pad together, but that seems to be a very common term thrown around.
Overall: A+ for Bachelor Pad finale. I’m not sure it was the greatest episode of all time for the Bachelor Franchise as Chris Harrison suggested in his EW.com interview. Certainly it was the best one for Bachelor Pad. We got an unexpected engagement, lasting couples of Kalon and Lindzi (verbally confirmed) and Chris and Sarah (nobody cares). We saw the first screwing of the winning couple in Bachelor Pad history. In both previous seasons, the winning couples agreed to share the money. Nick is $250,000 richer and Rachel will have $250,000 in therapy bills. I thought she may have had some plastic surgery done since the finale, but can’t tell. Maybe it was just all the make up. She certainly has a shot at a modeling career. The Husband suggested she could play Charlize Theron’s sister. I agree with that. If she can pull herself together emotionally, I wouldn’t be surprised if she gets thrown into the pool for potential next Bachelorettes. She’s gorgeous. She’s a sympathetic character (lost love and money) and when she’s not crying episode, she seems like a very nice person. Perhaps like Brad Womack, she could come on with a therapist. I really think she’s her own worst enemy. If you gave this girl some healing time and power boost of confidence she’d be a major force to reckon with. Eat your heart out, Michael Stagliano. And please stop singing about love lost. You had it. You threw it away. End of story. And I’m not talking about Holly. You have the right to be disinterested in someone. But don’t lead her on, sleep with her and make false promises. Particularly not on national television.
Thank you for following this column through another crazy season of Bachelor madness. If they ever pick a Bachelor, the season will start in early January 2013. Til then, you can check out my other writing at www.officestace.com and find me on Twitter: (www.twitter.com/officestace) or Facebook (www.facebook.com/officestace)
– Stacey B