'Bachelor Pad' Killed My Brain Cells (review)


I think I actually lost brain cells this week watching the season premiere of Bachelor Pad. Simply because there was really nothing else of interest on last night, The Husband and I got sucked into the two hours of cheap bikini shots, toned abs and absurd tears. In case you were doing something intellectual last Monday, Bachelor Pad takes all of the most hated villains and crazy lunatic ladies from previous seasons of The Bachelor/The Bachelorette and puts them back in that Malibu mansion to complete for $250,000 and a second chance of finding love. What we saw last night was a cross between survivor alliances, a Sports Illustrated bikini shoot and soft core porn (I give credit to that last observation to my friend Amie, a Harvard Law School graduate). Why are we sucked into watching such trash?

Perhaps it was Tenley’s reaction every time a new member of the Bachelor Pad entered the house. She was the welcoming committee. We were happy to see that she’s made a full recovery since getting dumped by Jake, but I was seriously frightened for her life (why do I care?) when crazy Michelle confronted her in the bathroom, cursing and threatening tiny Tenley’s safety because Tenley started a rumor that Michelle hooked up with dangerous Craig M and his hair. Yes, this is junior high on crack. Worse than evil Michelle was the conniving Nanny Elizabeth who came back blonde (horrible decision) and declared her love for Jesse Kovacks, from Jillian’s season. Elizabeth gives new meaning to the expression “Bi-Polar Hot.” I was never a Kovacks fan, particularly because I didn’t like the way he reacted to getting dumped by Jillian. I thought he was really full of himself back on that season and now can understand why he gets along with David and Wes. Regardless, it was pretty fun to watch him squirm like a prisoner in Shawshank when Nanny Elizabeth gave him no choice but to make out with her. This is total fatal attraction.

Craig M fooled everybody by winning the Twister competition. How come they didn’t tell us whether Michelle and Craig M really did hook up? They MUST have night vision cameras in that bunker of theirs. That would have been great outtake material. I liked Craig M’s choices for the date (Gwen over Gia? Really?) and watching Bi-Polar Hot Elizabeth blink her baby blue eyelids (does anyone else think she looks like Renee from the last season of 24?) at Craig while demanding that he win her over, was kind of amusing. It’s fun to watch Craig M struggle. I grew just a little bit of respect for him that (a) he followed through on his promise to take Jessie on the date and (b) that he gave Jessie the rose over Elizabeth who he thinks he could have had a moment with.

Poor Gwen looked like these people’s den mother. They actually put ?? as her age, which makes her ancient for the Bachelor series. Perhaps they can set her up with Chris L’s dad. If she’s from the second season, she must be at least in her 40s by now and why on earth she’d have any interest in hanging out with a bunch of 28 year olds, I have no idea. What is up with blonde Natalie having a personality? They made her seem like such a ditz on Jason’s (I love bears) season. Now she’s this outspoken, flirtatious man eater and she’s got her hooks into Ali’s season Jesse. Good for them. I also liked how Natalie announced within the first 7 minutes of the show that Juan slept with Nikki for her Chicago based apartment while in town. Adios, Juan.

What did Melissa Rycroft do to herself? Besides darkening her hair, losing 15 pounds and perhaps getting some botox?? Did you notice they didn’t actually show any close-ups of her face? She looked like a brunette Barbie doll. I wonder if Chris was annoyed about having a co-host. What does he need her for? It’s almost as confusing as why Gia would come on the show with a boyfriend. Like that’s going to last.

The Twister competition was completely ridiculous. We saw more crotch shots, cleavage and buttocks than was necessary. The Husband thinks that Jessie has a deal with the producers to be featured on this show. We haven’t seen much by way of her personality, but if she can keep her nose out of getting into people’s scandals and just focus on wearing bikinis around the house all day, she may do well in this competition. Kiptyn was the only normal guy in the house, which is why we didn’t see him do anything last night.

Overall, though, what bugged me the most about this show is that the people chosen for Bachelor Pad are the leftovers. They are the ones who in most cases did not even make it to the final 2 or 3 choices.  All of the men, except for maybe Weatherman and Kiptyn, showed serious issues on their seasons of the Bachelorette.  Wes was a womanizer.  David was a caveman.  Craig M was so cruel to Weatherman.  Are these people we actually want to see more of?  I, for one, am over them.  Now if they brought back previous Bachelors and Bachelorettes whose relationships did not work out (Jillian and Ed, Andy Baldwin, Travis Stork, Brad Womack, Grant, Bob Guiney, Charlie and Sarah) – at least we could watch the people who earned their place to be either The Bachelor and the final lady standing or The Bachelorette and the final guy standing.

I think that’s the only brain power I care to spend discussing Bachelor Pad this week. Did you like the show? Will you continue to watch? Can Chris L PLEASE agree to be the next Bachelor so we have something look forward to once this disaster of a show is over?

Last Monday’s Ratings Recap:  With “Bachelor Pad” Premiere, ABC Ranks No. 1 on Monday in Adults 18-49 for the 10th Consecutive Week.

ABC’s “Bachelor Pad” Leads from 8-10pm in Adults 18-49 in its Series Debut,
Making ABC the No. 1 Net in the Time Period on 11 of 11 Weeks This Summer.

“Bachelor Pad” Boosts ABC’s Performance in the Time Slot Year to Year by 10% in Total Viewers and 38% in Adults 18-49.

Monday Night (8:00-11:00 p.m.) With the series debut of “Bachelor Pad” and the season premiere of “Dating in the Dark,” ABC won Monday night in Adults 18-49 (2.1/6), beating CBS by 11% (1.9/6), Fox by 40% (1.5/5) and NBC by 50% (1.4/4).   In fact it was ABC’s 10th straight Monday to deliver the No. 1 position on the evening in the key young adult sales demo.

ABC was up over the same Monday last summer (8/10/09) by 14% in Total Viewers (5.7 million vs. 5.0 million) and by 50% in Adults 18-49 (2.1/6 vs. 1.4/4).

“Bachelor Pad” (8:00-10:00 p.m.) The series debut of “Bachelor Pad” won its 2-hour time period among Adults 18-49 (2.2/7), making ABC the No. 1 network on Monday from 8:00-10:00 p.m. on 11 of 11 weeks this summer.  The new summer series gained young adult audience from its first hour to its second hour (+10% – 2.1/7 to 2.3/6).

“Bachelor Pad” dominated its time period and stood as Monday’s No. 1 TV show among key Women demographics. (W18-34/W18-49).

“Bachelor Pad” posted increases over the Net’s year-ago performance (8/10/10) in the time period of 10% in Total Viewers (6.4 million vs. 5.8 million) and 38% in Adults 18-49 (2.2/7 vs. 1.6/5).  

By Stacey B

RBR-TVBR note: All fans of the Bachelor/Bachelorette series the spin-off ‘Bachelor Pad’ competition begins for Love and Money