Holy cow. It’s only episode 1 of Bachelor Pad 3, and my brain can’t even process what went on in the house this week. Let’s discuss the highlights:
(1) Ed getting so completely blitzed that he can’t even make it through one of Chris Harrison’s talks about the upcoming competition. His belching and blaming it on someone else, the shaking of the water out of his ears and the fact that he was too drunk to attempt anyone other than the evil Jaclyn as his partner – screams that this guy is a WALKING DISASTER. How far down this guy has fallen since his engagement to Jillian Harris. What a ridiculous blazer he wore to enter the house. It’s really sad because I liked him a lot on Jillian’s season, but now he just seems like a disturbed fat boy. This guy is there for 1 reason only – to make out with as many women as possible. He will now be known as “Ed the Drunk.”
(2) Twinning. Could those blondes be any more ridiculous? Were they not the same blondes that The Situation took home in Italy on Jersey Shore (the TV show)? WAIT – I just looked this up and THEY WERE THE TWINS on Jersey Shore. If you want the details of just how horrendous these girls are, just look at the recap of their Jersey Shore story line here. To summarize – these girls ARE as promiscuous and ditzy as they seem. This is NOT an act. Even more degrading is that they only count as one person. And even if you’re that naive to agree to be on a national TV show with your blonde identical twin sister AND agree to only count as one person together then WHY on earth do you dress the same? At least they actually won the first competition. Didn’t that seem slightly fixed though? Like the producers knew they’d be the first target and purposely created a competition they knew the twins could win? Even the fact that Chris H picked which twin would compete first seemed a bit shady. Maybe Twin 1 had been practicing in advance.
(3) Blakeley already cried. I’m not sure how on earth this happened, but Blakeley managed to pull the first tears of the season. Seems impossible, but after seeing her crying in the luggage room on Ben’s season, how can we expect anything less? Watching her and Erica bust Chris and Jaime together was absurd. She is WAY too intense and needs to dial it down 50 notches with Chris. The question is whether Chris is going to ditch Blakeley AND slutty Jaime for someone else. I’d say it would be Horsey Lindzi Cox, except she seems to be into Kalon for some unknown reason.
(4) Michael Stags – funniest guy in the house, but he’s a bit cocky now that he’s the defending champion, right? Seems like he’s going to have some options, including Bikini girl (Donna?), whose name I can’t recall. Not sure I see him and nose ring blonde Rachel together. The fact that Rachel has any kind of friendship going on with Ugly, Evil Jaclyn (I mean Ugly on the Inside because I am too classy to insult someone’s physical appearance). Why is Jaclyn so mean? She hasn’t had a nice thing to say about anybody – WHY IS SHE ON THIS SHOW???
(5) Erica Rose is even more annoying than I remember. How is this possible? And now she has a silver gavel around her neck so everyone can officially know that she thinks of herself as a judge. At least she lost the tiara for the time being. I love that she is going to be natural enemies with Kalon. In fact, I hope to see them go at it physically and beat each other senseless.
(6) I loved Reid and really hope he gets some revenge against Ed for what a jerk he was to Jillian. Ed basically admitted that he cheated on her and so now I’m wondering why Reid can’t give it another try with Jilly. I did like the newbie virgin type girl (Paige) who was his partner, but I have a feeling there will be others interested in him before long. Reid seems like a good guy and I’d love to watch him tear down Ed’s legacy limb by limb.
(7) Sarah “You’ve got to me f-in kidding me” Girl. She was on Brad’s season, not very memorable – but she is there fully to react to every crazy thing that will happen this season. She says “OH MY G-D” very slowly and dramatically so that viewers know that whatever is happening in that episode is not the norm.
(8) I loved the SWAT team guy who secretly loves The Bachelor. So sad to see him ago. Actually, all of the “Superfans,” were great as I could completely relate to them and their enthusiasm for walking into the mansion and feeling “starstruck.” At one point, I said to The Husband that I would have totally applied to be on the show but I would hate to be in a bikini constantly and filmed next to all of the bikini model type figures. Then The Husband reminded me that I am also married, so that would probably eliminate my chances. Oh yeah. Forgot about that part!
(9) I was surprised that Lindzi was so eager to team up with Tony, but more surprised that Tony (who as we recall was crying about being apart from his son on Emily’s season) has left his son once again to compete on this ridiculous show.
(10) Favorite moment of the episode – watching Chris Harrison do crazy car moves with Kalon’s Porsche.
The best part of this show is that by mid-season, we’ll be able to watch with Wally, our puppy Cavalier King Charles spaniel. We may even do a couple of video reviews with him. I’m taking bets he’s going to pee whenever Jaclyn’s face comes on the screen. She’s scary. On the inside of course.
So who’s in for Bachelor Pad 3 this season? It’s a moronic, ridiculous group of idiots, but I have to admit, that I definitely laughed a lot. What did you think?