Ryan’s Quest for Trophy Wife Continues, Kalon Needs a Muzzle


The Men Tell All (MTA) seemed to have filler more than anything new or noteworthy last night.  The instances they chose to highlight have already been seen in recaps during each show throughout the season.  At one point I even started checking my email and Facebook, a sure sign that the MTA was a yawnfest.  There were a couple of parts that stuck out to me, but otherwise, if I had an advanced Blu-ray copy of this Bachelorette season, I’d skip this episode and move right on to the finale.

Yes, we know Ryan is full of himself.  [Side note: another live Arie tweet during last night’s show said that if Ryan was the next Bachelor, they’d need to find 25 mirrors to go out with him.  Funny.]  Nobody wants to relive the Doug kiss / dump again.  Kalon’s a jerk who is going on Bach Pad 3 to pay for helicopter fuel.  Sean believes in faith and love and wants a relationship like what his parents have.  Is anyone else having déjà vous?

A few more comments about last night’s Men Tell All (MTA) and then we’ll need to break down what we can expect on Sunday.

Some interesting observations:

(1)   The Wolf’s pale pink pants.  Since everyone else was in a dark suit, Wolf’s pants stuck out like a wolf’s tongue.  Very elitist golf club look.

(2)  Emily is seriously tone deaf.   Thankfully we only heard her sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star for a few seconds.  No wonder we didn’t witness a duet with her and Dolly Parton.

(3)  Arie’s twin brothers are B.I.T.s – Bachelors in Training.  When they come of age, I’m thinking they should both compete together.

(4)  When pressed about calling Ricki baggage, Kalon says that everyone likes to sugarcoat things.  What a sweetheart that guy is.  Even if you think that, keep your damn mouth shut and don’t compete for a single mom.  Thank goodness our oracle Sean comes in and says that when you truly love someone, you embrace every part of her (including children).

(5)  Ryan kept a journal.  This makes me laugh for some reason.  Can you imagine what this guy must have written to himself?  Dear Diary, I am the fairest one of all.  If I can possibly find someone as gorgeous as myself, please give her a fast metabolism so she doesn’t get fat and I can love on her for eternity.  And because it’s all about Ryan always, he says to Chris Harrison, “It was never fully about Emily.  It was about me looking for my wife.”  Oh really?  Cause it’s not the Ryan Bachelor season of Augusta (yet).  It’s Emily’s season.   Don’t think he’s going to be finding very many eligible trophy wives in that Charlotte mansion.

(6)  When it was time for Chris’s “hot seat” time he goes up and hugs Chris Harrison unexpectedly.  Chris H feels awkward about this and calls the other Chris out on it.  I think it was young Chris’s enthusiasm and nerves getting the best of him, but it was fun to watch this happen.  Maybe Chris was drunk.

(7)  Sean’s never had a broken heart and seems to still be in love. At least Emily has a solid backup plan option.  Hearing that Emily “did the ugly cry” while watching the previous episode where she dumped Sean – sounds like she may still have some doubts??

(8) Probably my favorite line of the night.  Emily comes out looking redonkulously hot and defends Doug.

Emily: “Thank God for Doug.  I could be engaged to Kalon right now.”

Chris Harrison: Do you really think that could have happened?                                                                                                                                                                                                Emily: No.

(9)  Emily tells off Kalon, “I hope you find faith in something bigger than your Prada shoes and rented helicopter.”  Yowsa.  She really hates that guy.

(10) During the bloopers portion, Chris Harrison is asked by one of the Muppets whether they’ve ever had a puppet on show.  Chris Harrison says, “Well we did have Jake Pavelka.”  Wow! Wonder what Jake P thinks about that remark?!  Is ABC admitting that season was a bust?

Well, Bach fans.  We are at that magical moment of the season where you can feel the electricity in the air.  Our final two are ready to face off in an explosive season finale followed by the first ever live After the Final Rose episode.  Are you ready for this?  So many interesting options that could take  place.  I also find it interesting that both Arie and Jef were live tweeting during the show.  Jef’s tweets are more subdued and he says he’s looking forward to opening back up his life when this is all over.  Arie directly tweeted Emily telling her how beautiful she looked.  He also seems to be going off to race in the upcoming weeks.  Can this be the case if he’s engaged? Will she be going with him?  Or is he already over the heartbreak to be able to tweet such funny things?

If she told the guys she needed more time and continued to date both of them through the live finale (which is what the previews of the show would let us believe), how does that work exactly?  Would the guys agree to that?  Do they come meet Ricki away from the cameras and see which dynamic works better?  Does Emily take Ricki for a week in Utah and a week in Arizona to visit a “friend?” I also see that if Emily knows who her final guy is, she’d pull an Ali F and not keep the other one around.  Still, with no shots of her in a dress or the guys getting ready in suits, seems doubtful that we got to that process.

Emily is also not sending both of these guys home.  There is no way in hell they’d set up a LIVE ATFR for that reason.

So here are the options.  Which of these do you think is most likely?

  1. Emily picks one of the guys and we have a traditional ending with the couple coming on for the ATFR and announcing they got married already.

2. Emily tells the guys she can’t choose and continues to date them off camera and introduce them to Ricki.  At finale she chooses one and they get engaged.

3. Emily picks one guy during the finale and sends the other one home before the “final date.”

4. Emily tells the guys she can’t choose, continues to date them off camera, decides off camera who she wants and the LIVE show is them getting married with Ricki as the flower girl and the Cassie Lambert producer as the maid of honor.

I have a feeling she picks Jef, even though I want it to be Arie.  What do you guys think??