'The Bachelorette's Powers' Making a Pro Wrestler Cry (review)


I am impressed with Ali’s abilities. Men weep over her. They risk their lives on highways to hike miles on crutches just to spend alone time with her. Others are willing to stay at home, clean, cook burgers for her on a grill while wearing an apron and raise her babies while she goes to work. The actual dates this week were less exciting than the action which unfolded. If Rated-R’s rogue trip to Ali’s forbidden house on crutches did not get you, then watching Frank be seconds away from a nervous breakdown while being forced to watch Ali make out with his competition had to have gotten your attention. If those two things failed, the Weatherman’s performance while working up the courage to kiss Ali in a music video earned him an Emmy in awkwardness. The fact that he cried (and I don’t even think any alcohol was involved at his point in the date) makes this episode one of the best in Bachelorette history. We also saw waterworks (though I’m not sure how genuine they were) from Rated-R. I am not keeping stats, but this may be a record for the amount of men who cried in one single episode of The Bachelorette.

We got to see Roberto’s adorable dimples and great smile on his first one on one date with Ali. This was simply awesome. Almost as awesome as when he kissed Ali for the first time, while suspended 20 stories in the air between two LA high rise buildings on a wire. Did somebody tell him to do that? It was a bit theatrical. Am I the only one who thought that this dare devil tight rope walking was one big advertisement for Converse sneakers? They were both wearing them.  Also, at night, I was a bit confused as to where both of them managed to change their clothes before dinner and how much time passed in between tight rope walking and dining under the stars.  Regardless, Ali is so smitten with this guy – he is clearly the front runner at this point. When Ali ditched their “formal” table with chairs on the rooftop to dive into blankets and test Roberto’s cuddling skills, she might as well have told the rest of the guys to go home. Ali was so clearly drunk at this point in the night – she had a hard time speaking in straight sentences. She has such a big crush on this guy.

Though in Ali’s defense, Roberto seems great. FINALLY – a man who takes the bait and has the brain cells to show affection and capitalize on the opportunity to hug and comfort her on the helicopter, unlike Jesse from last week. I like that he got right in there. Ali needs affection. Even The Husband is smiling while watching them fondle each other. For somebody who has a fear of flying, Ali certainly gets herself involved in traveling by means of a lot of planes and helicopters. She didn’t look too terrified last night as she was leaning over her new Latin lover peeping out the window. Now if only they could have a conversation that went past how cute Ali is or how good looking Roberto is, they might have something substantive here. I will say – I loved when Ali told Roberto in Spanish to give her a kiss. Not just because she said it in Spanish – but because she learned it in a rap video. Now that’s funny!

The group date was way too reminiscent of previous Bachelor/Bachelorette seasons where trips to a soap opera set took place. I distinctly remember Jason Mesnick’s season where the girls were fighting left and right to have a chance at a fake kiss with him. What made Ali’s group date a little bit cooler was the fact that the Bare Naked Ladies were part of this production. I am a huge BNL fan and it was fun to see Ali dance like a lunatic in front of them. Side note: I liked Ali’s casual outfits this week. I have said this all along – Ali looks a million times better when she is dressed casually – jeans and a tank top – that’s her best look. To quote one of my most brilliant friends concerning Ali’s wardrobe from last night:

The dress she was in last night (at the rose ceremony) was the most horrid shade of gray I’ve ever seen, and her hair looked greasy and matted. And it looks like a cheap color job. Get that girl some good highlights! She’s such a cute girl, but I just don’t think she’s looking her finest, at least for the very little I’ve seen.
I agree – it was a bit too princessy for Ali.  She doesn’t need to wear a ball gown (she kind of looked like someone dressed up for Disney parade). OK, back to the action now.

The Weatherman, who changed from his white Michael Jackson 80s jacket from last week (Craig M’s comments got to him) to the same exact jacket in green this week (though obviously Craig M did not do enough), completely loses any sense of coolness when he learns that he has to kiss Ali during his music video scene. At least he knew better than to wear his white rimmed sunglasses into the music video shoot (did you catch those in the earlier part of the episode? Go back – it’s worth the search. Completely hideous). Watching Jonathan mentally prepare for this was one of the most entertaining aspects of last night’s show. Watching the other guys coach him was equally entertaining.

Kirk seems to have scored the most fresh points last night. Big Red wasted no time getting down and dirty with Ali. It seems to be pure lust between them because we didn’t see an actual conversation about anything other than the fact that he wanted to make sure his music video kiss felt “real” to Ali.

I could not stop laughing when Frank and Craig R were trying to personalize the Bare Naked Ladies’ lyrics to “You Run Away.”
Frank: “The lyrics are the situation that we are all in with Ali. They are very relevant.”

Craig R: “Love is escaping us. Love is running away from us.”

When Frank gets to have the first scene with Ali, he can’t stop smiling. He does have an amazing toned chest and abdominal region – I will give him that. But I found myself applauding as Ali got to hit him in the face over and over. Smack some sense into that guy, Ali!

If reality TV had a recap show like what Sportscenter is to sports, then the Weatherman’s kissing scene with Ali would be the highlight. The fact that he was shaking and Ali knew it, combined with the fact that he asked Ali’s permission to kiss her and gave her an “out” in case she didn’t feel comfortable (not to worry, Weatherman, in case you hadn’t noticed, Ali will kiss anything within 100 feet) were priceless. Despite his awkwardness, Ali was a pro. She really just got right in there and planted it on him. Is there any way that Ali is actually attracted to this guy? Or is she just being kind in keeping him around? I guess dorky is better than conniving any day. The highlight of this kissing scene for me was watching The Weatherman’s confidence go from zero to hero in a matter of seconds. He’s got this satisfied look on his face, like he’s trying to hold back the smile of the century. In his own words, he describes the kiss as being “like a rocket ship…it blew up.” I loved Chris L’s comment here, “It’s the Weatherman’s first kiss ever.” Seriously – it really could have been. Ah well, good for him. He’s harmless.

Jesse was almost non-existent in last night’s episode. Does Jess have anything to offer other than looking pretty? Frank looked like he was going to throw up when he had to watch Kirk’s kissing scene with Ali. I loved how all of the guys evacuated the area while the two of them rolled around in the bed together. Go Big Red!

At the post party, her conversation with Chris L heated up. I can’t wait to see these two on a one on one. I think he is hands down – along with Roberto – the greatest guy there. I am glad he was able to open up a little about his mother. They are not showing much of Ali’s feelings on him at this point – and I’m wondering whether this is edited. When the Weatherman appeared to take her away from Chris L, I felt myself getting nauseous. I wanted to flick him away. Of course, watching Weatherman ask Ali for a more private kiss and then having Craig R interrupt before Ali could give an answer was priceless.

Ali looked great in a bikini – so much more flattering than that dress the first night – you would never think she had such a toned body based on how they dressed her! Good for her! Once again Big Red seduces Ali in the water. The Weatherman is hurt by having to watch Big Red make out with his lady. Frank’s hair is growing in crazy directions and is getting increasingly more dishoveled having to watch his girlfriend make out with Big Red. I thought Chris L might get the rose on this date for revealing a bit more about himself, but Ali gives it to Big Red.

So then we have the Justin/Rated-R scandal of the week: he secretly goes to Ali’s house, to have extra time with Ali. He thinks his crutches are holding him back (they are) and that if he doesn’t get that extra time, he’s going home fast. On the one hand, hiking miles on crutches in warm weather does seem like a very romantic gesture. Are the guys just jealous that they hadn’t thought of doing something like this?  This would have been a noble gesture, had it not cut into Hunter’s date time. Ali didn’t seem to mind Justin’s visit and found his dangerous hike to her house noble. She says it’s “the nicest thing any guy has ever done for her.” Really Ali? The nicest thing a guy has done for you has been to throw all his other housemates under the bus, sneak off to your house, never mention it and do this all while being filmed? And where exactly did he stick those baby pictures of himself? Couldn’t one of the film crew given him a ride? Perhaps if he didn’t know he’d have a camera following him and documenting his tough journey this would have been more believable.  Or maybe if he hadn’t hid it from his housemates.  He could have said, “You know what guys? I went to Ali’s house.  Game on.”  No wonder Ali is so smitten with all of these guys. Low standards. Once Justin got back and started making comments about how lucky Hunter was to spend time in Ali’s house, etc., the red flags really came out. I don’t trust this guy. The Husband was calling him another Vienna for the entire episode – so when Ali made that comparison, he felt very excited. All I could think of was how bad he must have smelled after hiking up a highway on crutches for miles. Especially when she cuddled with him on the couch.

So Justin returns, telling the guys he was sleeping. Hunter is getting ready for the date and seems nervous. He knows this is a big chance. The Husband made a good point here. These other guy get flown to Vegas, get picked up in helicopters, etc. What does poor Hunter get? A trip up the road, where one of his bunkmates has already been moments earlier, to grill for Ali in an apron. Not exactly the best deal. Of course, this is probably the most normal way to get to know somebody. Fantasy dates don’t exactly seem to be the best way to know if someone is made to be your life long companion. In any event, it was terrible that Justin stole Hunter’s thunder here. Hunter seems like a great, normal guy. To me, it seems perfectly sane that with only a couple of hours together, he may not have wanted to just jump into make-out mode. He’s a gentleman. What was Ali expecting? They seemed to be getting along just fine – Ali was giggling like always. Hunter was making jokes. Just because he didn’t put the moves on her in the hot tub, doesn’t make him a bad person. Perhaps he should have taken his ukulele out again. Oh well. I wonder what would have happened if they had a more interesting date (an activity other than just staring at each other while grilling meat may have been a better first date) – like bowling or mini golf.  Maybe it wouldn’t have mattered.   But surely, I would keep Hunter around over Weatherman, Kasey or Craig R any day.  I wonder whether Justin having spent that time with Ali immediately before her time with Hunter affected the outcome. I would love to hear what Hunter has to say – having seen what happened immediately before his date.

When Justin started getting emotional poolside with the other guys, this is where any ounce of his integrity is lost on me. According to Rated-R, he’d give up all the professional wrestling stuff for a wife and family. He’s so passionate about this statement that he starts crying. I wanted to slap him. He’s all drama this guy. There is absolutely nothing to cry about on this show. If you like Ali, go for it. I don’t like his sneaky antics and his woe is me act. There’s also something strange about him being the outcast in the house.  We see Ty really have a strong opinion about Justin.  Awesome moment of the night: Justin inching up on the male pack while Ty is going full steam Justin bashing but doesn’t see Justin.  It is very clear that the guys see two different sides to Justin.  Kasey calls Justin creepy.  Craig R, the bulls!!! detector thinks Justin is all about gaining attention.  So Kyle the Outdoorsman may have had it right from the beginning.

Chris L’s comments this week were awesome. I love that he’s good at flip cup and that Ali is into this. I loved the outtake of him and John C hunting a mouse down in the house. Chris L seems sincere and funny. He’s the guy you want to hang out with. Plus he’s adorable. I hope we get to see more of him!

Steve (Adam Kendall from Little House as you can see in my blog: I Love The Bachelor/Bachelorette Blog), wins best last ditch effort in trying to establish a mini one on one date.  Although his lack of ability in champagne bottle opening didn’t win him many points.  A for effort though.  It always amazes me when guys like this are shocked that they don’t receive a rose.

Roses go to Chris L (yes!), Chris N (Who on earth is this guy??), Ty, Kasey, Craig R, Frank, Weatherman and Justin.  Kirk and Roberto already got theirs. 

Next week begins Ali’s travels around the world, starting with New York.  We finally get to see whether Kasey is suicidal and what the mystery is behind his “guarding Ali’s heart.” I hope that doesn’t mean literally.

Stacey B