The Crazies are coming, Brad 'The Bachelor' Loves Everyone (review)


I discovered this week (in case you have not picked this up for yourself), that The Bachelor is far more enjoyable with some alcohol in you. I screamed more. Laughed more. Pointed at the TV more and even found myself getting emotional when Brad confessed having feelings for so many different women (this would also make me ask The Husband whatever the ladies were asking Brad). Poor Husband!

That said, let’s stick to the top 10 highlights from this week and keep it to the point. I have some questions, but most of all I have concerns. Here they are in no particular order:

1. Michelle Cartwright Money. She’s this season’s Rozlyn, but with less reason to be hated. I agree with she’s over the top. Dramatic. Consistently auditioning for her next role by being on this show. It’s hard to decide whether her feelings for Brad are remotely sincere or whether this is one big game for her. I don’t even know if she knows. I agree that she is not presenting herself as a mature type and she seems way to into appearing cute in front of Brad and getting Brad’s affection than like someone who is a mom searching for a true life partner. The truth of the matter is, however, that Brad seems completely into her. He’s smitten. Yes, he’s into the other ladies, but he likes being taunted and challenged by Michelle. Let’s also not forget that Michelle got the “HOLY COW WE ARE REPELLING OFF A HIGH RISE STRUCTURE DATE SO WE WILL INSTANTLY BOND AND THIS WILL GET ME TO THE TOP FOUR REMAINING LADIES.” Can anyone name a contestant who a) bungee jumped on their date b) climbed / repelled down a high rise structure and did NOT end up in the final 4 of The Bachelor or Bachelorette? That’s because it’s never happened. You’ll remember Vienna and Jake had a similar date bungee jumping. Jillian and Ed. Jason and Molly. Ali and Roberto. Couples who endure great height challenges together end up together on this show. The Husband was hoping that Michelle really would throw up while repelling off the building, as she swore she would do. That would probably be an all time favorite Bachelor moment. Not surprisingly, she pulled it together.

But back to Michelle. She’s easy to hate because she says things like, “He’s MINE.” And she sits with a scowl when seeing Brad with any other girl. I had to laugh when Brad came to the house to pick up Michelle, then rudely had to set Ashley H straight before he could focus on Michelle. I think I saw smoke coming out of her ears. Yes, she’s used to being the center of attention. This experience may actually be good for her.

I also cracked up when Michelle got paranoid that the word “love” wasn’t included in her date card. She’s such a girl. Surprisingly though, not every girl hates Michelle (Chantal and a couple of others excluded). My guess is that she’s sweet to everyone up front, but she’s a real competitor behind the scenes. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Yes, I wouldn’t trust her as far as I could throw her, but she’s definitely marked her territory. Speaking of Chantal, I love that she called Michelle out on causing a scene by walking out of the charity shoot on her birthday. I like a girl that can speak her mind.

But here’s where it gets confusing. The Black Eye. I mean, how does one get a black eye? I looked this up on and couldn’t find much. Basically, she would have needed to get a nose job (but then she’d have it under both eyes), or someone or something punched her. I don’t think you can get it from stress or from being a bitch. The Husband thought it would be awesome if the cameras caught little innocent Emily punching Michelle in the face in her sleep. Agreed, that would be awesome.

2. Brad’s Connections With Too Many Ladies. Usually during a typical Bachelor season, we see several standouts that could possibly be winners early on. But never have I seen this many ladies be possibilities. Seriously, after this week’s episode, I am totally confused about who will end up being Brad’s fiancé. If I had to choose, I’d say any one of the following women still stand a chance: Michelle, Chantal, Shawntel, Emily, Britt, Ashley S, Ashley H, and Jackie. That is way too many women that Brad is connecting with. Every time he is with each of these ladies, I’m thinking, “Wait, he totally likes her.” And he’s pressing them to fall in love with him. The most individuals we ever saw who were willing to get engaged in one season was 3 (Jillian’s season – Reid, Kiptyn, and Ed). I think this season may surpass the amount of individuals willing to get engaged at the end of this process. Michelle and Chantal would accept a marriage proposal at this point in the process. The Ashleys and Jackie seem equally smitten, but are more realistic about the process. Emily and Brad seem to speak the same language in terms of having strong Southern accents and having a natural attraction for each other – but they have yet to really get super deep other than Emily revealing her sad past. From the previews of next week – Brad taking her on a drag racing group date – seriously Brad? Could you be any more insensitive?? I hope she takes the high road and gets the hell out of there! Shawntel and Britt seem like the most intelligent of this group. I hope they get a fair chance. I also wish Britt would eat something – because I’ve never seen anyone so skinny who is in the food industry.

3. The Others. I have no idea why he is keeping Lisa, Marissa or Alli around. Lisa is sweet, but her hair is a bit monkey rainforestish and we haven’t heard two words come out of her mouth. Marissa seems sweet despite the lack of any interactions with Brad. Alli looks like she’s going to lose it next week which I am looking forward to.

4. Dr. Drew’s Radio Show Group Date. Britt was the clear “winner” of this date. She came off as smart, sincere and open. I’m glad Brad gave her the rose. Ashley H’s whole “I’m retreating” speech is getting old. I find it annoying that she’s upset that he’s going out with other girls. That’s what she signed up for, right??

5. Make-up and Bikinis. We got to see some of the ladies without any make-up and I am sad to say, it wasn’t a pretty sight. Ashley S, particularly, who was an early favorite of mine looks like a totally different person without make-up. Yes, I know that I would also look like a totally different person WITH make-up, but who has time for this sort of thing. I was amazed by how skilled Michelle was in covering up her eye make-up. It looks like she was using some good Bobbi Brown cover up. Of course The Husband thinks she made herself a black eye to begin with. Emily seems to wear a lot of make-up as well, but she looks equally nice (and a lot younger) without it.

The bikinis were in full force during the hot tub scenes (though Big Red Lindsay was NOT wearing a bikini and therefore got eliminated). Alli, in particular, was almost too happy to flaunt her enormous watermelons in a watermelon colored bikini. That’s chutzpah!

6. Brad’s Request for Kisses. I don’t think we’ve heard a Bachelor so openly demand kisses from his ladies. He was repeatedly asking the women to kiss him in his one on one time with them. Kissing Bandit! I lost count of how many ladies he kissed. I think it’s safe to assume it was all of them.

7. Favorite Moment of the Episode. Ashley H finally builds up the strength to go get some one on one time with Brad. She wants to be comforted. Know that she’s still loved by Brad. That she has a chance in comparison with the other ladies. She approaches him only to find him jamming his tongue down Britt’s throat. Classic Bachelor moment. This may be the highlight of the season.

8. Chantal’s Really Cool Date. I know I’m going out of order here, but Chantal’s actual date is definitely worth mentioning. I didn’t know there was a way to go under water and walk around without learning how to SCUBA. They seemed to be in these enclosed space suits and could breathe regularly. How cool was that? Chantal confuses me. Here’s what I like about her: She’s drop dead gorgeous. She speaks her mind and tells it like it is. She’s not a wall flower. What I can’t stand about her: She says things like, “Shut up!” when Brad does something surprising. She has too many cats. She cries at the drop of a hat over someone she’s gone on one date with. She’s already giving him the ga-ga eyes and thinks she’s in love even if she hasn’t used those words yet. So basically, I’m a little more into not liking Chantal than I am into falling in love with her at this point. I’m open to being convinced more in either direction.

9. Brad’s Ready to Meet the Girls. He straight up tells Michelle he wants to meet her daughter, Brielle. As they make out and he says he can very much see taking care of Michelle and Brielle (who he has never met), I am wondering one thing. How on earth did Michelle end up in Salt Lake City? She just looks like she’d be from LA. How much does someone want to bet that she either currently lives there or will be living there by the time the finale of the show airs? Brad also seems ready to meet Emily’s little girl, but no mention that he’s ready to take care of her. Sounds like Michelle’s got a leg up on Emily at this point. He’s very tentative with Emily, unlike how he is around Michelle.  I do think it would show a much different side of Michelle to see her with her daughter.

10. Emily’s Makeshift Rose Ceremony Date. I liked that Brad planned a little re-creation of the winery date he had with Emily. That was very sweet (and creative on the writers’ part, because there’s no way Brad thought of that). I do think there’s a certain danger in trying to convince people like Ashley H and Chantal that Brad still likes them best when he’s pulling little thoughtful stunts like this for perfect Barbie doll Emily. Particularly when Shawntel’s comment that Brad’s “date in a basket” with Emily means that nobody else should feel special puts Chantal over the edge. Shawntel is awesome. Of course it only takes a couple of sentences and some smooches from Brad and Chantal has her Crazy in check for another 14 hours.

So we’re off to Vegas next week and finally it looks like Shawntel will get her one on one time. Will we ever get to see Brad have an awkward date with someone? Is that possible? I’m starting to think Brad’s monotone voice is sounding more and more like the dad in Family Guy. I’m recoiled in disgust by the race car date already.

As for the girls voted off, I (harshly) don’t really care much about them. Stacey the Bartender seemed sweet, but I spent too much time wondering if she got a nose job. She will have no problem meeting another dude. I wanted to hug Big Red Lindsey just because she seemed really concerned about making her dad proud for how she conducted herself on reailty TV. I never thought for a second that Meghan would stay, so nothing to say there.

Til Next Week – let’s hear your thoughts! And stay tuned for our upcoming video podcast which we hope to post on You Tube!

Stacey B